My girl... Talking 'bout my girl...

Here she is...


Those wacky Japanese are at it again.

They are working on robot girls. No really. That kinda cute little asian chicky in the pic above is not a real little girl. Damn, can that Gepetosan do good work.

Wonder what they cost?

More Advice for Confused People

A couple more letters I am co-opting from Dear Abby. Let's think of it as Dear Tobacco. People just freak me out somtimes.

Letter 1 - Dear Tobacco,

My wife's is constantly spending time with her best friend Claire. They trade really expense gifts that we can't afford, Claire takes her on 2 week vacations to exotic locations while I stay at home, they spend at least 3 hours every day talking via phone or online chat, they give eachother long oil massages on our bed. When they are together my wife completely ignores me even when I ask her something repeatedly, and they make it appoint of getting together every week even though they both work full time and live more than 50 miles apart. They are also constantly making bets, and the loser HAS to give the winner an oil massage.

Should I be worried about this or is my wife just in need of a friend?

Signed Tard in Denial


Dear Tard,

You are a fucking moron. Set up a damned video camera and open up a website called "freakylesbianwife.com". Cause that's what she is. GAY. Spelled G-A-Y. Don't believe me? Try to find 3 other sets of girlfriends where multiple weekly oil massage sessions between them is the norm. And your probably gay too, so go find yourself a nice boyfriend to blow so that you can drown your sorrows.

If your not gay get sterilized - such brainpower is too valuable to pass on to other generations.

Signed - TM


Letter 2 - Dear Tobacco,

My fiance has told me that he is an orphaned only child who managed to graduate college and wants to wed me to have a family even though he's always been sterile. Turns out that he has two brothers, his parents are alive and he has 4 kids (still pays child support on two wee little tikes). What I'm wondering is do you think I can still trust him?

Signed - Dumb Broad about to get Hitched


Dear Dumb Broad,

I think you should marry him. I am certain that the many wonderful social diseases he brings home from his whoremongering and affairs (which I am sure he will deny for you which would be sure proof he is) and the dozen or so kids you will kick out since you won't need protection because he's sterile. I'm sure your lying tard kids (since it will get both your fucked up genes) will make you very happy when he runs off to suckle on dead mommy's tit again someday.

Selective Freedoms

So, they can take my parents house to build a strip mall if the city decides it wants to, and we can't do dick to stop it --- ruling courtesy the supreme court.

You can't have the 10 commandments framed anywhere inside a courthouse because, well that's promoting one faith over another. You can have a large monument of it outside the courthouse or carved into the government building on the outside; that's cool.

Reporters can't promise to shield criminals or those with direct evidence of crime and that's wrong? Cause of the danger of infringing the freedom of the press? What happened to due process of law and the right to face your accuser?

If I hole somebody up in my place that's a fugitive and the cops find out, I can go to jail. Why couldn't I promise to shield any info of him? I'm a free citizen too. Just don't have a fancy press pass. I know I am oversimplifying bullshit here, but the supreme court has been consistent on this, right or wrong, for somewhere around thirty years on this whole press previlidge hoohaa.

Roe v. Wade they defend, no framed god words they defend, hell like'em or not agree with'em or not I got to defend it to because until Congresss passes specific law or THE Court changes its mind its just how it is. I can't cherrypick my laws. These much vaunted reporters of freedom and truth should belly up and obey the rules.

They can't be bullied into silence under the First Amendment, but they have to do as the Constitution says because that is what gives them their freedom, and THE Court claims the Constitution says they have to fess up names sometimes when needed in criminal cases.

Play by the fucking rules people.

My special friend died.....

It was a sad time this morning. I got up thinking nothing unusual or strange was happening in my home, but I was wrong. A tragedy had struck in the early hours of the morning.

My dvr cable box died.

I am now forced to endure 1987 level of cable television service without premium channels. Its a horror you can't fathom.

HBO, Showtime, my beloved Starz on Demand.... I will miss you most Starz on Demand.

My recorded programs --- Dead Like Me, Captain Blood, The Seahawk, Lock-Stock-and-2-Smoking-Barrels, all gone. My favorite Alton Brown moments. I loved those recipes.

I can no longer pause television to get food or drink. I can't rewind and watch in slow motion to see the single frame of 2 dogs screwing.
It was a sad day.

I will miss you old friend. You passed too soon.

My you rest in silicon heaven with all the calculators.

Conflicted

I work with this way hot blonde chickie who is celebrating her 21st year on the planet tonight. Well her super 'spensive silke top designed to show off her nicely tanned cleavage (not a big fan of most tans, hers was good) had a little hiccup. The strap broke in front where it connected.

She is in a panic to get a pin to hold it together. She manages to makeshift staple it so she doesn't have to keep holding it. Fabric around staple could tear at any moment.

The Confilct? I like her in a friendly way, she's pleasant to talk to with a great sense of humor and thinks Family Guy and Comedy Central are the best things out there.

So glance and hope the top breaks revealing some very nice cleavage (cause well all guys deeply desire to see all women's tits - see Ron White's stand-up for explanation).......

Or be a gentleman and look away out of a sign of respect.

Lucky for me ((I guess)) the staple held until she left.

Decision avoided. But I bet they would have been nice.
I wanna buy some shoes now though.

I Nominate Me

Sandra Day just up and quit her job. Loser.

Well, I want it. The pay is awesome, lawclerk chickies are smart and cute and desperate for guys of "power". So sign me up.

And if the other one up and kicks it or finally realized that if your 1,932 years old with cancer, maybe you should step down, then I nominate Simpleton. I've always wanted a supreme court hooha that could down an LIT in under 10 seconds.

Besides, liberal or not, I trust his judgement a hell of a lot more about most all issues than the 9 black robe freaks we normally have.