My Think Tank

Ever notice how in the shower, when the fan is running and the water is streaming down creating their own little version of white noise to block out everything else and the warm water is washing up against you, well....

ideas just come easier.

Dozens of them. About games, systems, friends, family, women, plans, all sorts of stuff.
But only when I am in that white little think tank.

I'd probably have more to say if I were in the shower.

Just Chillin'

So I woke up at like 11 this morning. Got cleaned up, watched a bit of the ole Star Trek: DS9 (have to keep up that geek cred), then sat down at my computer and began to tinker a bit.

Boring story short - I was 25 minutes late for work today. Hell, I was 15 minutes late yesterday. I took 10 extra minutes at lunch. Fuck it too.

No one has bitched at me yet for it, and I am going to give my official notice tomorrow about going to the fancy new job.

But last night I got the bar ring, and went there sucked down a soda, chilled with my friends while enjoying the air as it cooled down for the evening. It was pleasant.

A friend was shocked that I live on so little money because they make a great deal more and barely make ends meet. They had asked me, "why do I even live if that's all I get."

My response was, "For what its worth I enjoy my life."

Yeah. It sucks having no cash.
I have no woman or girl to call my special someone.
My car is a beater made up to look like a '91 Taurus wagon.
I live in a wee little apartment w/ a cat whose sole job is psychosis manifestation.
I've let myself slip into bad shape because I am WAY TOO FOND of food.
My mom's in such poor health I always answer my family's calls because it could be THE ONE.

But I have been in worse shape financially. I've been evicted from apartments before. My debt was once so bad after a downslide in jobs that I had to file bankruptcy.
I've actually been in slightly worse health before - the one time depression slammed into me.
I've had girlfriends who destroyed me emotionally (but I would be happy to try again).
There was a time when I never talked to my family.

And hell, I have a better job lined up, so finances are clearing up.
I have begun to actually seriously consider my health options.
I am attending school online.

And through it all I have had a small group of ever-changing, but still close, friends.

So, I am in no hurry to hit the do over button.

I want to see how this amusement park ride plays itself out.

The Sky Rumbled

There was a great rumble outside in the cloudy sky. I'm thinking thunder.

Or possibly Prince Adam calling on the Power of Greyskull.

I'm never really that certain. And Orko doesn't tell me shit.

There was a gathering... More or less...

A group of us went out last night. It was a friend's birthday celebration. We met at one guy's place. Packed everyone into three seperate cars (there were five of us total) and headed out.

First stop was at a dive bar to say hi to a girl, she wasn't working, so we insta-bailed. Next stop the primary bar --- A place called The Back Door.

Now for the record, I am between paydays and stuck in a cycle of poverty for another month before the shway better paying job kicks in. So that blew right off the bat. The Brother is unemployeed and not started getting his freebie cash from the government (also known as unemployment) for getting canned. But the other two had a little for the birthday boy so it wasn't a total loss.

Thing is though it wasn't about the money. We all got to see a friend that had been gone for too long but patched things up. The birthday boy wasn't feeling it and we were clueless how to pep him up. The night felt off for me.

Had fun with my friends, but it was out of rythm, a spark wasn't there.

Knowing things are off kilter but you just can't quite put your finger on it - that feeling kind of sucks. Maybe that's why nutters hand fists of cash to head shrinks --- to answer the questions we can't even see, but feel are there.

Of course that could just be bullshit.

Maybe it was just an off night.

Just got to find a way to make the nights improve.

----------------------------

Its the next day, my apartment is still a mess, I have no answers yet. Not found all the questions.

If I were a synic I would think back to that crap old saying "Time heals all wounds." Guess if you give it 50 to 80 years it even includes that growth that tore out of our mothers causing them so much pain.

But that's only if I were a synic.

-----------------------------

Fuck it. Rant at all later.

My Life Fell into Sitcom Mode...

Fucked up nights.

Started off easy enough Get home and get a call from a friend about a small bit of reverie at another friend's place across the river. I get some directions. Directions are good.

Getting ready to leave. Call from my little sister. She gets spooked pretty easy. Her hormones are running wild right now (bun in the oven as it were). She needed help with "stuff". Her pilot light had gone out on the oven apparently, and she just wanted to babble a little bit. Its all cool.

Went to call on my way to sister's house that I would be late. Note to self - plug in the damn cell occasionally. It was dead.

Leaving sister's home. Realize directions are in apartment. Go home to get them. Officer of the Law pulls me over because I have 1 headlight out. Warns and says I better get it fixed. Lived nearby. No ticket (1 bit o' light).

So, still going home to get directions. Open door to my apartment as someone is leaving the building. Younger guy, a little like a hood, I didn't recognize him, glance at himm for a moment. The Cat makes "his move". Which places him out my door, out the closing door to my building -- tail got clipped I think -- and into The Land of Cat Myth (aka the yard).

Cat sees something. Dashes for it. Panics when he realizes he is in the open in the grass. Runs to hide in shadows. Twenty minutes I am playing find the cat. No front claws and no real memory of ever being outside. I can't leave the little bastard out there. I find him. He tries climbing up on me to perch up high where he's safe. My shoulder.

Get back inside, he is the clingiest animal to ever not have velcro.

Finally get to call friends. Inform them I give up, night is gone for me.

Now, I sit and wait to see if the ninjas attack.

Not much else left I think.

In closing I am reminded of that classic line I so loved in high school --- Somebody stop the world, I wanna get off.

A good Brad Pitt movie?

Shocking I know. After all the turds he's worked through.

Legends of the Fall, Fight Club, Snatch, Ocean's 11, Seven, 12 Monkeys, Troy...
Wait a sec, I liked all those movies.

Hell, its a pain to try and think of a really bad Brad Pitt flick and then inside that movie, its hard to see him doing a bad job at his role.

Anyways. The Brother and I went to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith. If you want to go see a fun action flick I highly recommend it. Movie physics at work. But it has witty dialogue, Vince Vahn is his usual smarmy self Go see it. It is fun.

How can these 2 be wrong.

Things I don't get.

Sitting here at work with a few coworkers and we are comparing letters to Dear Abbie to fight off boredom and avoid 'tards on the phone. A few things I am puzzling out.

Wife who wrote in saying that her husbound found out he was gay.

How the hell do you find that shit out? Was he cleaning the hall closet and opened a cardboard box and found his gay packed away?

"Honey! Come look what I found packed next to my bowling shoes. Its my gay!"

Wife writes in about her husband being physically and verbally abusive to her for years. Now he has started "walking" in on their teen daughters while they are in the bath or changing for bed. She wants to know what she should do?

Hhmm..... By him and their kids a romantic getaway? Leave the asshole you freakin' 'tard. Did she even read her own letter? Doesn't take a genius to figure out. don't care how Eff'ed up you are.

Man writes in saying his wife and her "gym instructor" have two hour workout sessions twice a week and two or more hours every weekend. He went by the gym to start working out himself and discovered that their family membership had lapsed three months ago. What should he do?

Hello? Demand an Eff'ing refund from the trainer. After all, he wasn't giving it too the gym. Beside's then it becomes like pimping out your wife.

Woman said she was staying over at her boyfriend's house. He wet the bed. She said he should get help. He refused saying, that's just how it is. What should she do?

Unless she's into some freak german fetish porn best high tail it out of the golden slumber fest.


People are 'tards. But they can provide amusement.

A Very Brief Thought About Iraq

This thought is overly simplified by almost every account, but it was just a random thought.

The insurgents keep attacking us because they want the devil-dawg american bastards of satan to go home.

We stay because the fanatic freak-assholes with the world's biggest fucking death wish keep blowing crap up and attacking us making it all unstable. We will leave when psycho-nutters start taking their meds.

This would never happen. But if the insurgents would all just sit down and play a little x-box and masterbate (in secret cause its a super sin in their belief structure). Then our side will smile like pansy boys who got shower duty for the football team and go home.

When we're all tucked snug in our beds, then they can go crazy again if they want and will have gotten their wish. America out.

That's my 4th grade view of the current mess.

I got Yin, The Brother got Yang

The Brother has informed me that his company had to go through some major cut-backs. His back was one of those cut. He became unemployed effective immediately.

So I got really good news.
He got the really bad news.

Karmic Balance is maintained.

But he gets to date and nail hot chickies.
I have only internet broadband and memories of better times.

So it was his turn.

Some days are better

Sometimes it can be a good day.


I haven't posted for way too fucking long. Sorry 'bout that. Been a little too distracted by the nothingness that is my normal day getting bye. But Today was a good day. I will share some bad ones, but this isn't one of them.

Got a new job. Been hoping to get it. Been kinda worried and distracted. Recruiter called me about it out of the blue and got me all keyed up about it. Damn call came while I was in the fucking shower. Felt like that little freak at the beginning of the old movie "Deal of the Century".

Wait by phone. Nothing.

Wait by phone. Nothing.

Wait by phone. Nothing.

Fuck'it and shower. *ring - ring -ring*

But they said take it. Pays a hell of a lot better than I make now and no weekends except for the odd overtime, which will rock.

Then I am calling one of my bud's and damned if he didn't get cool news today. You must ask Simpleton yourself though what it was.

Then to top it off I did the math and discovered I can put off telling said bosses I am outa here until after my friend gets her referral bonus for my current job. And its not much farther to the new one.

Life is a good day.

Not much could make it better.

Well maybe some new shoes.



Yeah.... Shoes might be nice.

There Was a Rumble

I was finally in a bar room brawl. 32 years old and I finally managed to get into that cliche'd hollywood fight scene - sort of.

Here's how the night went down.

I was just sitting there on the couch working at perfecting my Zen of the Three-Toed Sloth (its my own special martial arts style). Suddenly - The phone rings. Its Ray. He pipes in with, "We're at Jimmy's throwing back a few, wanna join?"

I'm like sure, all in, be right there.

Their out on the balcony lounging pitching down a few beers. I join. I don't drink so I get the standard, Coke on the Rocks.

Time passes on, we have heated little arguments/debates over stupid shit. Standard night. Then Brent goes on a tirade over semantics and after rambling and bitching, and arguing incoherrently (cause he is definitely wasted at this point). Things drop quickly because he completely dismisses any and all comments I make claiming that I am ignorant with no clue of history and can't possibly have his level of understanding (guessing this goes back to his comp-sci degree or something).

As an aside, I am something of a history buff, studied a good bit of it in school, watched the programs, read books, I'm not the end all scholar, but I have some knowledge of what I am talking about.

Well, his dismissal of me, my facts, my opinions, and his progressively worse stares-grunts-shrugs began to really piss me off. At some point after his argument about what we took from Mexico in the War of 1812 and how we occupied Iraq in the Gulf War he made one too many comments/shrugs/snears/ combo.

I took his lighter and dropped it in his glass of beer.

At that moment I knew that I had went too far. I had broken the rule of Archangel David and started the fight. I waited for reaction.

He grabbed up his glass of bear and threw it on me. I don't drink and so I hate the smell of stale beer. I sprang to my feet and grabbed his picture of beer and flung it at him. (had he thrown my coke on me I would have been cool, but the beer fanned the fire).

He jumps up and grabs at my throat, called it a Ranger Choke Hold. It hurt, I could breath but it hurt.

I also knew that Brent could probably kick my ass, but I could definitely hurt him too, I am not a small person and am stronger than most realize. But I chose not to. no shoving him backwards, no ball punches, no elbow to the kidneys. Just tried to hold onto his grip and ask him to calm down. Ray was trying to too. Was a fun time.

Both soaked in beer, trying to mend our twisted glasses. It was all cool.

Ray n' Tanya suggested breaking up for the evening. Nah. Brent and I were cool. Hell, afterwards we were like fucking Fonzie we were so damn cool.

But I did tell Brent that if anyone asked, we were fighting over Tanya.

Night went on, it was fun. Got to see a nice girl whose going to be a kick ass she-cop some day.

Sometimes life is good.